Monday, August 24, 2009

Mister Mystery

Thank goodness I'm not married.

I mean, I'm sure marriage is great and all, but it's a good thing that I personally am single at this point in my life.

I say this because I've been looking back at all of my relationships that I've had, and while a lot of them have been great, they've all ended (obviously, there's only going to be one relationship that doesn't actually end). At the time of break-up I'm usually pretty sad, regardless of whether I ended it or not. But now I'm so happy that I didn't end up with a lot of those guys. Not that those guys aren't great. But they weren't the perfect fit for me. And I know that there will be someone, somewhere, who is. The more I date people, the more I know what I'm looking for in a companion. ( Jimmy had this that I liked and that that I didn't like. And Bobby had this that I loved and that that I hated.) And because I'm learning more and more what does and doesn't fly for me, I'm becoming more and more grateful that certain relationships didn't work out. (Does that sound harsh? I don't mean it to.) I'm grateful they happened though because they taught me a lot and they're helping me narrow down/lengthen my "Things to Look for in a Potential Husband" List. I'm getting a clearer picture of him all the time. Of course that picture is figurative. Though a literal picture would be nice.

The one downfall of this constant learning experience I call dating is that the more I know what I want my "Mister Mystery" to be like, the less likely it seems that I'll find someone with all those qualities. In short, I'm getting pickier. But picky is a good thing, right? Right. I can be patient. He'll come along eventually...

...In the mean time, I've taken to dating celebrities. You know, just to fill my calendar up a little bit while I'm waiting. Afterall, no one ever said being patient means you have to be lonely, did they? Here's a couple pictures of my most recent flings.

Me and Zac. Young love is the purest love.
Edward/Robert just can't get enough of me.
Justin. The great thing about dating a Momma's Boy is the fact that he knows how to treat a lady.
Look at the bling Gerard gave me. Too bad he's not LDS.
This one time, Ryan made me laugh so hard I peed my pants. Luckily we were in a hot tub at the time.
Sorry for the immodesty. James picked out the dress.
Oh, Brad! I love the way he looks at me. It's like I'm the only girl in the world.
When we're driving together, Daniel likes to show off and drive really, really fast. I like it cause it gives me an excuse to grab on to his bulging biceps.
Johnny and I back when I had bangs. Just look at him! Gorgeous.
And now, for the one guy that I would never, ever, EVER have broken up with. The world just came between us. Well, the world and a bunch of Fried Peanut-Butter and Banana sandwiches. Here he is, the first and foremost love of my life.
Elvis and I on our first date.
Engagement pictures.
The best day of our lives. Until we meet again, My Love!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

"Butter to My Bread"

"You are the butter to my bread, the breath of my life. I love you, you darling woman." -Stanley Tucci/Paul Child

Ok. Somebody please find me a younger, less-bald, real-life, LDS version of Stanley Tucci as Paul Child. Please? He was the most wonderful husband: the way he let her be exactly who she wanted to be, and appreciated her all the more for it. He adored her. And she felt the exact same way about him. The love that he and Meryl Streep/Julia Child had for each other is enough to make anyone believe that Love really can conquer all. Gosh.
Julie & Julia was great, but Stanley/Paul was the star for me (with an honorable mention going to Julie's husband, Chris Messina/Eric Powell).Where do you find men like that nowadays? If anyone knows, please let me in on the secret. I'm sure my Grandma Bonnie and her children and their children and my adorable(?) children that he and I have will be eternally grateful.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

ANOTHER Hero Comes Along: A Letter to Jackie

Dearest Jackie,
While you can never be replaced as my hero (WWJD will always be my motivation to be BA), I've realized that there will be people (possibly animals, seeing as you're an animal, though it's highly unlikely) who will be able to join your ranks and stand next to you (probably more accurate is "close behind you") in the supersquad that is going to be my own, personalized Justice League.
I know you're wondering who in the world could come close to matching you in coolness and bravery and awe-power. Let me explain: There once was a man(?) named Michael Jackson. He passed away a few months ago, and in the mourning process I've purchased literature about him and his family. Michael has a brother named Jermaine ("Where are you going with this?" You may be asking, hold on just a little bit longer, my one-legged, war-decorated primate.). While Jermaine never produced work that was praised the way his whiter brother's was, he did give the world one thing that is worthy of attention. It's actually worthy of a lot more than attention. It, or HE, I should say, is Jermaine's son. I'm not going to go into great detail about his son, because there is only one detail that we need to know about this boy who will help you protect and even change the world. That key detail is this boy's name. Are you ready for it? His name is
Jermajesty(Here he is pictured with Jermaine-the-Genius)
Knowing your intelligence and appreciation for all things wonderful, I am confident that you agree with me in thinking that this boy is special and should become the official second member of my team of heroes. I hope everything is well for you. Things are great here. Warm Regards!